Circadian-12.09.17 

To help with mood tracking, I will try my best to make some journal entries. The idea came from reading Mental Health Diary and the mood tracker he shares. While I do not plan on sharing my own mood tracker at present, I’d like to try some journaling. Some because if I truly make this daily, I may get into one of my black and white perfectionist cycles, and I really don’t want to get into another one of those, got enough of them. Saving that anxiety juice for the situations I cannot avoid, like work.

  • Making purchases for myself: spent about a month deciding on whether or not to get a game, which went on sale at 3 different moments at 50% off. “Persona 5“, for that JRPG itch that “Final Fantasy XV” did not satisfy earlier this year. Finally got it Saturday. Here is an illustration of the decision process:
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Should I buy something that I want for myself? Is 50% off enough? Am I being too nice to myself?

  • Weight gain: came to the conclusion that I have gained weight, my pants have not all shrunk overnight in a dark, evil plan of theirs. Result of the bad phase I was in, eating fast food whenever I did not feel like cooking. Spent sometime trying to figure out where else I may have increased food intake, and turn out that I’ve had a lot more coffee with cream than usual. Need to start cutting back and keep exercising.

The biggest challenge is on my persistence on black and white strategies when re-balancing my diet. I try to go all out on being healthy and cooking it all myself at the same time. It has never worked for more than a couple of days, and yet, in the past I have planned it the same over and over again. Not this time. I will simply replace fast food with home made sandwiches, and once that step is conquered, switch to something healthier, etc. “Perfectionism” may sound like a bullshit defect for some, but trust me, it has been killing me inside. Being able to be OK with the plan I just mentioned is a HUGE step for me, specially as I walk out to have dinner at an all you can eat place for husband’s work Christmas party, which brings me to…

  • Socializing: I keep people talking so I won’t have to share anything. I have learned I do this some time ago at the hair dresser. I hate sharing about myself, which may explain why I am compartmentalizing even this journaling exercise. Anyway, did some socializing tonight and had fun, but was drained and exhausted at the end. Made zero progress on trying to share more with people face to face.
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